ABC's of Healthy Relationships: D

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Damage ControlWith a tip of my hat to David Eddie and Pat Lynch, not one of us is immune from saying something we regretted the moment it falls out of our mouths, or acting like a bonehead on occasion.  When this happens within the context of a relationship, the priority is to set into motion a sincere recovery plan ASAP. 


Beverly Engel adds that damage control "

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: C




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Candlelit dinnersThis can’t be said too many times.  Healthy relationships use the basics of romance to thrive.  Get out a candle and eat together without the kids.  Dinner doesn’t have to take place in a five-star restaurant, and doesn’t have to be fancy—it can be meatloaf or spaghetti at the kitchen table—but the point of having candles is

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: B

BalanceMany couples have an erroneous belief that doing everything together equals a healthy relationship.  They spend every waking moment together. They do everything together.  They're inseparable and become glued at the hip.  And then the inevitable happens....They slowly begin to let go of their friends, abandon their dreams, and eventually lose their identities....and resentment of each

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: A

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AcceptanceAccepting another person just as they are is powerful in a relationship. This can be done internally through thoughts, and externally through words and actions. Acceptance of perceived shortcomings and circumstances of the relationship can help you and your partner move forward in peace towards the kind of healthy partnership you want.
Unfortunately, new

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: H

"When you go out in the world,
watch out for traffic,
hold hands, and stick together"
  (Robert Fulghum)
Holding HandsWhether clasped with fingers entwined, one cupped in the other, or the sweat-friendly holding-pinkies technique, hand-holding in public signals a significant, exclusive relationship, and in some respects is considered more intimate than kissing at a party.  James Coan of the

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: G

GenerosityWhen we think of generosity, we conjure up images of being lavished with flowers, gifts and money, or lavishing these things on a loved one.  The kind of generosity I'm referring to is generosity of one's self and time.  Stepping in to help your partner accomplish a task, giving up a night out with friends to be fully present to support your lover through a personal crisis, and dropping

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: F

Fair FightingLet it be known that arguments and disagreements are appropriate in all relationships.  Through this special kind of communication a couple can either come closer together or be torn apart.  The key is keeping your personal integrity and respect for your partner intact in the process--because you both have agreed to protect these things when you disagree.  

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If

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: E

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EditingThere are times when we want to say exactly what's on our minds at exactly the time we're thinking it.  You are almost bursting to tell your partner what you're really thinking.  Hold on, now.  This is where editing comes in. 


What do you want to say, and in what spirit are you saying it?  Are you complimenting, supporting or otherwise uplifting your

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: J

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Je ne sais quoiA French saying meaning “an indefinable quality,” it’s that special something that draws you to your partner.  You can’t quite put your finger on it, but it’s what makes him/her fascinating, remarkable, and incredibly unique.  Find what that is in your sweetie, and cherish it daily.



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JoyLives are busy.  Schedules are

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: I

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IntegrityIntegrity is a personal virtue that reflects the consistency of a person's actions that are guided by their morals and values.  They do what they say they will do.  They do the right thing even when no one is looking.  They are dependable.  A person is said to have integrity where he/she treats everyone by the same set of personal morals, because he/she has a

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: N

Sorry...couldn't resist these adorable kittens
NearnessOne of the many elements of healthy relationships is nearness (also called proximity).  While it's certainly possible to have a good long-distance relationship (military families do it all the time), it's important to be in your partner's presence a majority of the time.  Why?  Because couples need extended face-to-face opportunities to

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: M

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MonogamyMonogamy refers to when one person is committed physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and financially to another person.  It is a personal choice that each individual makes, and make together as a couple.  There is no judgment whether being monogamous is better than not being.  What does matter is whether you and your potential partner want the same

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: K-L

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KissingResearch has shown that when loving couples kiss each other goodbye in the morning and hello at the end of the workday, they report that their relationships are closer, more committed and satisfying, and surprisingly enough, there’s less incidences of auto accidents while commuting!  Giving your sweetie a smooch at least once a day keeps you connected in a way

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: Q

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Quality of LifeThe World Health Organization defines quality of life as "individuals' perception of their position in life in the context of the culture and value systems in which they live and in relation to their goals, expectations, standards and concerns."  I suggest that you regularly examine the life quality of your relationship.  Answer these questions separately, and

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: P

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PassionPassion is a vital component of romance; it is simply a desire.  A "spark."  A desire to see and spend time inside your relationship.  Passion for the relationship itself; a desire to work on its growth.  You should know, however, that with passion comes vulnerability. 

Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins explain:  "We know of no way to

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: O

One-and-Only


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There is much comfort in knowing that the person you've chosen as your partner is totally committed to you and only you.  Your partner is equally satisfied that you feel the same about him/her.  This peaceful and safe feeling comes from a foundation of mutual trust, both given and received.  (Also see Monogamy.)








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ABC's of Healthy Relationships: R

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ReciprocityReciprocity refers to the generous and equitable give-and-take between people.  Sometimes we give more and sometimes we ask for more.  Giving more means that you're aware that something's going on with your partner, understand what they need either physically and/or emotionally, then take steps to meet those needs.  This also requires that you are doing

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: S

Self-EsteemIn truly healthy relationships, your belief in yourself stays strong (and often increases) as you grow together.  You feel good about yourself and how your partner treats you. 
Sexual FulfillmentAt the risk of stating the obvious, sex is a vital component of healthy relationships:  it creates an intimate bond, is an expression of your love for each other, an excellent stress-reliever

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: T-V

Team ApproachWhen tough times hit, remember you’re on the same team.  You either both win or both lose.  Support each other and work together.  You’ve got each other’s back.  The idea should be that you both are on the same side pulling against the world.
Time Together
It takes time to get to know someone, and it works best when in each other's presence. After the newness wears off of a romantic

ABC's of Healthy Relationships: W-Z

Warmth

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Warmth is the result of feeling safe, secure, trusted, and having a mutually-felt sense of connection and attachment. Warmth is a by-product of what psychologist Carl Rogers refers to as unconditional positive regard, where one person appreciates and accepts another person as-is, no changes needed.  To maintain or improve the health of your relationship, learn